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Phoebe Robinson Goes to Hollywood


Phoebe Robinson

Megan Gabrielle Harris’ Long Stay (2020): Courtesy of the artist and Debuck Gallery

When Freeform gave my half hour comedy the green light everything is garbagewhich was inspired by my life as a formerly bankrupt thirties coco kalesi trying to make it in NYC, I was overjoyed, even floating, like when Sex and the CityCarrie Bradshaw jumped while crossing the road for no reason. Picture yourself jumping into the closet on set to get some nipple shields? Please don’t mind if I do. Can I skip walking to craft service and eat Cheez-Its even if I am lactose intolerant? It is worth looking forward to. Skip the walk to the pack party and dance and party with the cast and crew after filming? Pooh! Never mind a bitch (I mean bitch) who can barely walk after 13 hours a day, 5 days a week, for months, wobbly balancing on what is basically the equivalent of a toothpick? I am a fool! But I also have to admit, my mind is full of fantasies about what it would bring to be “Hollywood-ready” as a mere “normal” person.

Before continuing, let me introduce myself. My name is Phoebe Robinson.I’m from Cleveland, Ohio; I’m New York Times Bestselling author/comedian/actress; and becoming Jason Momoa’s hair accessory holder/lover… keep up the quest, Pheebs. TV show. Yes. TV show. Whenever I mention it, folx asks how I got myself ready to take pictures, as the process seems to be shrouded in mystery. But honestly, it’s pretty simple.Like, have you ever woken up in an ungodly moment so you could work out and hope your body became JLo’s just to make it look like a contestant on MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge Who has two weeks’ notice that they’re going to do some rope climbing and barrel rolling? Then you know how to get ready for Hollywood, my friend.

TV, hell, life is based on images.We want to look great to secure a job, win a lover, get out of trouble – because the industry encourages women to transform themselves into Lek With fasting, excessive exercise, and plastic surgery, the stress increases. sort. As a Type A queen, I try to make Hollywood more ready for my condition: I’ve achieved this dream, so I want to look like the one who made it happen. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed with some upgrades.

Robinson on the set of her new show, it's all garbage

Robinson on her new show, everything is garbage.

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First? exercise. I started exercising long before my TV show was approved because quarantine in a small apartment was bad for my mental health. I bought a Peloton bike to move and boost endorphins. Over two years later, I’ve got Peloton arms and legs, and I’ve been an A-cup since I was 13, and I think that charm and wit will bring all the boys to the yard. And I think we all know that since comedy is my career of choice, my yard is like the last phone call at the bar on a Tuesday night — very few people check in. But after so many years of honing fun, the addition of this new honed body ody-ody makes me feel like Hollywood is ready.

Next? my diet. In my thirties, I relied on my diet to give me the energy I needed to handle a demanding 15- to 16-hour day. I started this journey with the Kroma Wellness Detox. I didn’t really lose weight because of my strength training, but this detox gave me a hunch about my future: I ate a lot of porridge and vegetables, and pooped a few times a day. Now that the aisles are clear, I mostly eat in moderation: comfort food if I want, but I have to admit, Sweetgreen salad is a staple of my diet. (Full disclosure: I think Sweetgreen is pronounced Sweetgreens because I’m a black aunt and black aunts just like to add a s shit. )

As a Type A queen, I try to make Hollywood more ready for my condition: I’ve achieved this dream, so I want to look like the one who made it happen.

Now, I can already feel what some of you are saying about my takeout salad dense sky. In my defense, homemade salads are not the same. I need a girl named Kelsey to cut the cherry tomatoes so I can really absorb the nutrients. #These are my compensation. How deep is my love for takeaway salads, you ask? Sweetgreens (deliberately s) went into my DM and asked to send me a bottle of balsamic vinegar that was coming soon. Woohoo! I’ll get salad dressing drops ahead of time before they hit the streets, since salads are obviously the backbone of my public image? ! I’m Hollywood ready, bitch!

Well, almost. I still have to deal with my teeth. You guys, they look like off-white paint samples from Sherwin-Williams. I’m talking about muslin veils, steamed milk, Roman columns.Although I’ve never had bright pearls like my dad, the fact is Rubbish Shooting in 4K convinced me I didn’t want to look like I grew up in the UK. So I went to the dentist for the first time since high school. I know! a piece of cake! but also? My dentist said she likes my “thick enamel” so maybe I’m doing it right? (Okay, she definitely said “thick” and not “thick,” but I’ll take any chance to compliment so I feel like Meghan your stud.) Anyway, the point is, I have a great Dated (no cavities!) and went through a two week process of professionally whitening my teeth. Not to look like I’m walking around with chocolate candies in my mouth, but bright enough that if a fisherman gets lost at sea late at night, I can smile and help guide him home.

I know, I’ve written a lot about physics here, because that’s what Hollywood values. But during this prep time, I also discovered the most important thing I had to do myself to prepare myself for Hollywood: set boundaries. It sounds weird, but that’s just before you think about it. Yes, it’s a business in part by doing everything you can to make your dreams come true, but at this stage of my life and going through my fair rejection, I appreciate the opportunity. I want to cherish and savor every moment. everything is garbage Never again with this particular group of writers, actors and collaborators in this particular way. That’s what makes it special: its fragility, because even if it were a little different, the show wouldn’t work. I want to protect it, and in order to do that, I have to have boundaries. I have to protect my peace, my heart, my mind, my body. That way, I’m ready for whatever Hollywood might throw at me.

This article appears in the August 2022 issue of ELLE.

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